Day 1 - Digesting the news & my gloomy spell.
Woke up feeling pretty rough with thoughts of the lockdown springing to mind as soon as I started stirring. Anyone else having those moments when they wake? Felt incredibly tired and moody, at first I thought my sugar levels must have been high as I usually feel crappy when they are but, nope, I was within range (yay! Always a relief) so I just dragged myself out of bed and had a little wiggle before getting some grub inside my belly. The sun was shining and we had a beautiful clear blue sky, seemed so strange that the weather was pretty perfect and yet the world was crumbling into despair.
When things get a little negative in my mind I do try to think about all the positives that ARE there. My mind wandered to the fact that so many people around the world are helping their neighbours, strangers and loved ones as much as they can, we have medical professionals risking their lives to save others, we have sunshine bursting from the heavens and flowers are popping up all over the pace, revealing their inner most beauty. Daffodils are such a cheery flower they bring a sense of hope for me and always remind me of my late grandma, Sheila Wass. She was a flower lover of the highest degree, knowing all the names and always took great pride and enjoyment from tending to her flower garden. The efforts to work on my positive mindset was consequently tinged with sadness and sorrow which then made me feel rather sombre and reflective.
My grandma sadly died from our ultimate nemesis, (joining Covid-19) with a vicious (isn’t it always?) case of lung cancer which spread to the lymph nodes. Despite her epic and courageous battle with it for around 2 years, the world lost one of its Angels in June 2019. The only positive to come out of such a devastating loss is knowing that she doesn’t have to suffer with this pandemic we’re all now facing.
My heart goes out to all those who are suffering with other life-threatening diseases and those who have had their chemotherapy treatments postponed due to hospitals needing to tend to those poor people who have been infected with coronavirus.
Thoughts then drifted onto what I am going to do to make a living during these times, a lot of us are faced with these questions I know. For me it does bring a twinge of worry dusted with my usual coating of optimism, as I have faith and hope that things will work itself out. They always do and I’ve found that the more I surrender to the flow of life and current of the tides, the more I find my footing. Happiness is a huge factor in my life and when my outlook is a little more ‘half empty than half full’, it gets me down BUT thats alright and I know that I’m not alone.
Sandy and I headed out in the car to get some groceries and we enjoyed blasting some tunes with windows wound down and wind blowing through. Upon our return he headed back to work (he’s working like a soldier at home) and I enjoyed working on this blog. My spirits were lifted more when we went out for a beautiful walk at sunset and had a good natter. Feeling so grateful that we’re able to be with one another and have the beautiful Downs to walk on, the views are pretty spectacular as we can see the skyline of London and fields for miles. Another thing I am grateful for is the space and amount of sky we have here.
Also super grateful to have his beautiful mumma opening her home to us and cooking us endless yummy meals. I know we have so much more than millions of people at the best of times and I’m always thanking the stars for the privileges I am blessed with, but at this time I am even more so. So focusing on the things I take for granted on the daily when these gloomy days loom I find helpful, focusing on the people I have around me and the fact that we’re all safe, fed and loved brings a lot of peace.
Also very grateful that I have medication for my diabetes. I do hope others have access to their medication and aren’t struggling with that side of things.
Bit of a ramble here folks, a little teenage themed diary entry if you will! 29 and still got it!
Onwards and upwards.
A x
